World's Smartest Inventions 6 transcript
narrator: Tonight... truTV presents... ( woman giggling ) ... 20 amazing new inventions that will help you behealthier...( woman exhaling )man: Her lungs look prettyhealthy.narrator: ... get thinner...woman: Whoo, whoo, whoo !narrator: ... and liveyour life drunker.man: I'm kind of particularabout my alcohol.I like it to be servedat the exact temperatureof my balls.narrator: But wait,there's more.man: What are you,( bleep ) nuts ?narrator: Act now and you'llreceive product reviewsabosolutely free from our staffof celebrity experts.Danny: Hey, if you like this,you're gonna love ***.narrator: "truTV Presents"...woman: Fantastic resultswith less effort.narrator: ... "The World'sSmartest Inventions."Brad: Yeah, I'm pretty surethat's not a real thing.narrator: Don't wait...boy: It's like a toyyou can eat.narrator: ... this offeris available...( bell ringing )... now.( kids cheering )woman: Hot dogs.They're as American as baseballand apple pie.Introducingthe Happy Hot Dog Man.It brings ordinary hot dogsto life, making lunch timemore fun.Ted: Look, let's face it.Eating is a drag for kids.That's why only 90% of themare obese.( commentator burping )man: What about Liver Manor Broccoli Man ?woman: Just put your hot doginto the Happy Hot Dog Manand close the lid.Now you're ready to cook itinto a fun, Happy Hot Dog Manfigure--Brad: So wait, I don'tunderstand quite how the--Oh, God, son of a...John: The best thing about theseis when they get hot,their legs spread likeJaime Andrews.Jaime: Oh-hoo-hoo-hoo !boy: It's like a toyyou can eat.man: If there's one thingI don't need help with,it's playing with my wiener.woman: Add ketchup, mustard,relish, cheese.Make them anyway you please.Todd: I like to put chilion mine, like it's been ina horrible hot dog car accident.commentator: Oh, no !woman: You can getthe Happy Hot Dog Man in redfor 10.99 and we'll send youthe Happy Hot Dog Manin fellow, free.Kevin: If you need more thanone of these things in yourhouse at once, you're justeating too many hot dogs.woman: And we'll also includea bonus Ketchup Critterand Mustard Monster.Jaime: You may thinkthe Mustard Monster is cutebut it's snot.woman: Four Happy Hot Dog Menall for 10.99.man: Listen, we made a seriousmanufacturing error.You're taking four--like it or not.Frank: We've lostthe American way.Give me a ( bleep ) Nathen'sfoot-long, mustard, relish--***-- eat it.children: We loveHappy Hot Dog Man !man: Oh, what are you doing,what are you doing ?Wiseguys don't carry theirmoney in a wallet.He carries it around in a ***,like this.man: What is that ?man: This is the Broccoli ***.Billy: So who ordered the hiton Vincent Pastore's career ?Vincent: Broccoli ***fits in your pocket.Easier than a wallet.Broccoli ***.woman: It keeps all my cashand cards right here.Vincent: Broccoli ***.Mike: This commercial'skinda Jersey.But I think we can Jersey it upa little bit more with someAuto-Tune.Marianne: BroccoliWa-Wa-Wa-Wa-Wa-Wa-Wa-Wa...I can't stop.friend: Thing's so small,you can take it anywhere.woman: Sure, you cantake it to the gym......you can take it to the beach......you can take it to the pool.friend: You can takeit anywhere.man: Really ?Y'know, you can take pretty muchanything anywhere...if it's this size.Vincent: Broccolt ***.It's tough.It's made of silicone rubber.Broccoli ***.Fits in your pocketeasier than a wallet.John: Oh, are you kidding me ?I can go in the grocery storeand get a ( bleep ) load ofbroccoli for ten bucksand all the free bandsI can carry.Come on, Vinny,you're killing me.Vincent: Fits in your pocketeasier than a wallet.woman: Or a purse.You should've seen me beforeI got this.I was digging around--digging around likea crazy woman-- crazy woman--woman...Daisy: I think she isa crazy woman.Brad: My God, I have seenseizures that look better thanthis commercial.Vincent: Forget about it.man: I won't forget.Vincent: You forgot.Knucklehead.man: I won't forget, boss.Vincent: Forget about it.man: I won't forget.Vincent: You forgot.Knucklehead.man: Forget about it.Vincent: Wiseguys don't carrythat wallet.Wiseguys don't carrythat briefcase.Kevin: You know what elsewiseguys don't do,is talk about being wiseguysin public.Vincent: Hey, kid... what do youknow about wiseguys ?Kevin: Uh... nothing.I-- I don't any--I don't know anything.I was just joking.I was just playing.Vincent: I'm just ( bleep )with you.Huh ?man: Get yours today foronly $10.But wait, call now and we'lldouble the offer.That's four Broccoli Wads todayfor only $10.Rodger: Four Wads for ten bucks.Forget about it.man: Y'know, If I weren't inthe Witness Protection Program,I would order this.Vincent: Broccoli ***.An offer you can't refuse.man: It dropped, it rolled,it crossed the line,but you don't have time toplay seek-and-find.Well, now you can MagnaScribe.MagnaScribe's revolutionarymagnetic technology keeps yourpen where you need itall the time.Frank: What the ( bleep )happened to a pen in the pocket,y'know ?man: The MagnaScribe penmagnetically attachesto a super-handy pendentdigital clock that keeps youon schedule and the penyou need right atyour fingertips.Mike: Finally, a portable clock.Daisy: Y'know who needs to knowabout this ?Flavor Flav.Todd: Don't believe the hype.MagnaScribe is the ( bleep ).Flavor Flav !man: Look, the MagnaScribe usespatented magnetic-engineeringphysics to engage theballpoint roller as soonas you pull it off the clock.Wow.Watch that again.Roger: Yeah, just what you'relooking for there, ladies.Another reason for us guysto stare at your ***.John: Hey, honey,what time is it ?Oh, never mind.It's 3:30.man: And when you're done,just reattach the MagnaScribeand your ballpoint roller hides.It's super simple,super convenient and super funall rolled into one.Marianne: I can't find my pen,but I find a lot ofother neat stuff.man: Call now to order your setof two MagnaScribe pens forthe incredibly low priceof just 29.95.Bryan: 29.95 ?What's next, you're gonna throwa Lamborghini in there, too ?Ted: Look, the choice is simple:Would you rather lose a 15¢ penor pay 30 bucks and constantlywear a stopwatch aroundyour neck ?man: But hurry, because ifyou're one of the first100 callers to orderthe amazing new MagnaScribe,you'll get another MagnaScribewith two more ink refillsand this bonus pocket memo bookabsolutely free.Kevin: They say if you'reone of the first 100 callers,and you know what my guess is,you probably are.Mike: Hello, can I still getthe memo pad-- what ?Damn it !narrator: Coming up...the Freedom Flask.man: I mean, I've heard of"partying in your pants" before,but this has gone way toofar now.narrator: And...dance the fat away.man: Finally, I can dancewithout all that pesky standing.narrator: Plus...man: Eat up, Doggie.narrator: ... it's all funand games, until...man: What did he do ?You win by collectingDoggie's doo.Judy: Kids, we can either playMonopoly, LIFE...or Dog ( bleep ).narrator: When "World's SmartestInventions" continues.man: Introducing theRhythm Rocker by Kymaro.woman: Dance it away.man: The rocking, crunching,rolling workout system.woman: Whoo, whoo, whoo!man: Unleash the dancerin you.Danny: I've been in a couple of dances, but I've never hada dancer in me.(rim shot)Mike: This is the type ofcommercial you seelate at night, flipping around,hoping maybe you getsome "Skinamax"or an underwear ad and you're--"Yeah, this'll do."man: Don't just watch thoseTV dance shows, get a lean,trim dancer's bodyfor yourself, just by changing the seat you sit on.Daisy: Oh, no, they just cameout with this?That totally blows the needfor my new product--Dance Chair: A chair you candance in.Abs, abs...woman: Now that dancing ispopular, it's a good way tohave fun and forgetthat you're working out.Brad: Is this supposed to giveme abs or diaper rash?Ted: Hey, you know who hasgreat abs?People who get their fat ***out of chairs.man: The Rhythm Rocker'sExclusive StabilizingInterAxial Technologyallows its contoured padded seatto tilt in a full 360 degrees.Jaime: Okay, guys, whattechnical-soundingbull(bleep) can we thinkfor the acronym S-I-T?man: Stabilizing InterAxialTechnology.Jaime: Perfect.man: Now you can blast awaybulky fat, and create a long,lean dancer's body doingsexy moves...sitting down at home.man: Finally!I can dance without all thatpesky standing.Frank: Why don't you get offyour fat *** and go ona treadmill?woman: It does feel likedancing.woman: I never thought youcould do it sitting downin a chair.woman: You can dance.woman: That feels really good.Bryan: I feel amazing.I feel like i haven'tworked out at all,'cause I haven't.I just moved around in my chair.man: Like several women in ourRhythm Rocker Challenge,you could lose seven poundsin seven days too.Brendon: You can lose sevenpounds in seven days with this,but you're not allowed toeat either,so keep that in mind.man: You'll get the amazingRhythm Rocker, plus oureasy-to-follow basicworkout DVD for just three payments of 33.33.Unleash the dancer in you todayand lose pounds and inches.Order now.Chelsea: Yeah, we all know thisis gonna be used exclusivelyby middle-aged couplesas a (bleep) toy.Judy: Yeah, baby!Chelsea: Right?Don't we all know that?I'm assuming we do.man: What's Doggie doing?(Doggie growling)Oh, no, he's inthe doghouse now.Let's play.Roll the die.What's that sound?What did he do?You win by collectingDoggie's doo.Doggie Doo by Goliath.Daisy: Oh, no, (bleep) games?Why did we let the Germansget into designing our toys?Judy: Kids, we can either playMonopoly, LIFE,or Dog (bleep).man: We love you.Let's play.Make a tasty treat.Eat up, Doggie.Brad: Oh, my God, I had thisexact game when I was a kid,except it wasn't a dog;it was my grandfatherand it wasn't really a game.man: What's Doggie doing?(Doggie growling)Oh, no, he'sin the doghouse now.We love you.Frank: That is, like, sick.Could you imagine someonegiving that to your kid?man: What's that sound?What did he do?You win by collectingDoggie's doo.Mike: Those kids look liketotal maniacs for dog crap.(children laughing)man: You win by collectingDoggie's doo.Doggie Doo by Goliath.Brad: That is not--you may wanna-- you may wannabring him to a vet.Jaime: Hey, poop, are youin there, poop?Chuck: Whoo!Whoo!Mike: Oh, God.Hey!Brendon: You're a winner.man: What did he do?You win by collectingDoggie's doo.Doggie Doo by Goliath.Billy: My kids would love this.They love anything about poopor dogs.Ashley is 24and Tyler just turned 27.man: You are an American adultand that means you havethe God-given right to drinkwhenever you darn well please.That's why we createdthe Freedom Flask.(eagle screeching)A flexible, easily concealedpoly pouch that holds up to2 quarts of liquidand belts to your body.Mike B.: I mean, I've heard of "partying in your pants" before,but this has gone way toofar now.Mike T.: You know what's alsogood at holding liquor?An actual flask.man: The Freedom Flask allowsyou to subtly dispense anybeer, wine or spirits you want,any time and any placeyou want.Brendon: Yeah, urinatinginto a cup and then drinking itwon't raise any suspicion.Ted: I'm a normal dude,but I do like to drink liquidif it's sprayed out ofa buddy's crotch.This is a dream come true.Todd: I'm kind of particularabout my alcohol.I like it to be servedat the exact temperatureof my balls.man: They'll try to tell youwhere you can drinkand where you can't.But with the Freedom Flask,you make the choice.Mike T.: Ahh...(liquid dripping)What's up?Time for a refill, right?man: The Freedom Flask is 100%made in the USA.Todd: Wow.There's something to makeyou feel proud.Frank: Great (bleep) idea.That's the only (bleep)good invention I've seenso far.man: So exercise your right to drink freelyand drink responsibly.The great part aboutthe Freedom Flask is thatonce you empty it down yourthroat, you can fill itright back up in your pants.man: The Freedom Flask.(eagle screeching)Order yours now.commentator: Oh...Oh, that stings.Chuck: I fill mine withclean urine so Leif can takehis drug test.Speaking of which,anybody seen Leif lately?Vincent: I wouldn't worry about him.Chuck: What do you mean,"Don't worry about him"?Vincent: I said don'tworry about him.The (bleep) guy owed mesome money.He's on vacation.woman: Necomimi electromechanical ears.Manipulated by your mind.Necomimi neuro communicationmachine.Frank: This is (bleep) up.I guarantee it came fromthe Orient.woman: Necomimi...express your true emotions.Kevin: Ever wish you couldexpress your emotions withyour ears?Me neither.Mike T.: What an amazing timeto be alive for people withstrange fetishes.Tonya: "Mow-mow-mow."woman: Necomimi.Show the world how you feelon the inside.Billy: I can't really followthis girl's thoughts at all.I guess I just don't speakNecomimi.Loni: I don't need to wearmy feelings with my ears.I'll just tell you.woman: Necomimi.When you become the cat you are,your feelings will speaksilently for all to hear.Chelsea: Are we supposed tobelieve that she was justentranced by that nerdwith the Bluetooth?(cats meowing)(man whistling)Jaime: Don't worry, maybe he'sjust not into (bleep).(rim shot)woman: The ears,the window to your soul,controlled from within.Marianne: Does anyone elsewanna poop in a box right now?Judy: What do the men wear?Bryan: Hello, sunshine.I'm sorry, do you havea license for that body?Because it is on the vergeof obscene.Oh, you're married?woman: Necomimifrom Neurowear.Chelsea: Are you aninsane person?Perfect-- buy this.Danny: If I wanna let a personknow how I feel about 'emby moving a bodily organ,I'll just take my (blank) outlike a normal person.narrator: Coming up,look ten years youngerinstantly.Just peel, pull, and press.Roger: I'm wearinga Neckline Lift right now.Check it out.So natural.narrator: And...woman: The Kymaro Body Shaperhugs your midsectionand distributesexcess weight evenly.Jaime: Now you can look greatwithout diet, exerciseor the ability to breathe.narrator: Plus...man: Over bumps and jumps,the Bicycle Wine Rackkeeps your bottle out ofharm's way.narrator: When "World's SmartestInventions" continues.man: You've planned the perfectromantic rendezvous:a bike ride ending witha picnic for two in the park.But how do you make surethe wine makes it in one piece?Introducing theBicycle Wine Rack.Made from recycled artisanleather and genuine brass knobs,the Bicycle Wine Rack carriesyour precious cargoto its destination in style.Brad: You recycled the leather?From where?Please don't say chaps.Bryan: Talk about classy.It's made of recycledartisan leatherand brass knobs.Did I mention it's gotbrass knobs?man: Over bumps and jumps,the Bicycle Wine Rack keepsyour bottle out of harm's way.Kevin: It's just a great wayto let the cops know,"Hey, I'm drunk."(commentator burping)Brendon: Now when makingthe video, make sure to showthat you live ina cool neighborhood.Yeah, ride by the mural.Cool, cool.Oh, that circular gate,that's pretty cool.All right, man.Now go meet your (bleeps)in the park.man: Take your Merlotto go, your Chardonnayall the way.Tonya: Yeah, well, I mean,I don't drink much wine,but would this workfor my beer?man: Whatever your variety,the Bicycle Wine Rackwill make sure it arrivessafe and sound.Marianne: This is great whenyou wanna go to the parkand talk about bandsnobody else knows about.man: The Bicycle Wine Rackgets you and your winewhere you need to be.The rest is up to you.Judy: The dirt and plasticfrom a Frisbeereally can bring outthe tannins in a wine.Todd: Now you gotta rideyour girlfriend home onyour handlebars, drunk.Good luck with that.man: Order yourBicycle Wine Rack today.John: I don't like todrink and drive,even on my bicycle.That's why I just takemy Chihuahua.He's more fun at a picnicanyways and gets a lot more(bleep) than a bottle of wine.woman: Love handles,spare tire, back rolls,middle-age spread.Whatever you call it,it makes us look terriblein our favorite clothes.Now you can stop sufferingevery time you look at yourselfin the mirror.The Kymaro Body Shaperis truly the best wayto get your figure back.Billy: Y'know, it seems to me,that every five years,someone reinvents the girdle.woman: With millions of bodyshapers already soldand women everywhere slimmingdown up to twodress sizes instantly...Brendon: Are those ladieslike doing the "before" poses,or is that the "after" pose?I can't tell.woman: The Kymaro Body Shaper'sPower Net material hugsyour midsection and distributesexcess weight evenly.Jaime: Now you can look greatwithout diet, exercise,or the ability to breathe.Brad: Oh, come on, fat girls.You can seehow easy it is to use.It's just one...two...three!woman: Kymaro's Body Shaperdoesn't just help in providingexcellent supportand remarkable shaping;it also helps your posture.With Kymaro's new Body Shaper,you'll have a new and improvedfigure immediately.Mike T.: Whoa!The computer effect is a littletoo optimistic.woman: You can getthe Kymaro Body Shaperfor the unbelievable low priceof 39.95.You can now choosewhat color you want.That's right.Make your choice from nudeor black.man: But if you're black,isn't that the same?woman: So don't miss out onthis incredibleone-time offer.You must call now becausesupplies are limited.Bryan: Wish you guys madesomething for my crotch bulge.man: You do everything tokeep your children safe,but the world keeps gettingmore and more dangerous.Now you can protectyour child withMy Child's Pack.The bulletproof backpack shield.Frank: What are you,(bleep) nuts?Kevin: Dude, how rough isyour lunch table?man: This high-qualityday pack has six zipperedcompartments, an iPodadapter and a water bottleholder.Todd: When you're engagedin a firefight, you won'tget dehydrated.man: As well as a flexibleKevlar shield that stopsbullets cold.Ted: With the old pack,we couldn't send our child intoheavy gunfire,and we were just sick about it.man: My Child's Packeasily withstandsa full clip of ammowithout puncture.Billy: The degree to whichthis is actually "bulletproof,"really depends on yourchoice of firearmor ammunition.man: Protect your childfrom the worst-case scenario.Mike T.: This will be perfectfor my kid.He's kind of an (bleep).Chuck: If your kids are hidingfrom the guys inthe Broccoli *** commercial,this is the product for you.Vincent: Yo.You got something to say,you say it to my face.You know what?Get the (bleep) out of here.(Chuck screaming)Hey, this ain't a bad gig.Tell a few jokes.Piece of cake.man: You may not be ableto arm your kids,but now you can protect them.Order My Child's Pack now.Marianne: Well, the mostimportant thing is that mykids' books aren't damaged.Do you know how expensivethey are?man: Protect your childevery day of the year.Jaime: Instill the fearof the improbable in your child.Brad: And be sure to look thisspring for their new Kevlarprom dress.commentator: Ooh.woman: As we age, our skinjust isn't as firmas it once was,especially around the neckline.But now there's an amazingnew way to look up toten years younger instantly.The secret is Neckline Lifts,the best way to firmand tighten without surgery.Todd: Not self-consciousabout this yet, ladies?Well, now you are.You're welcome.woman: It's simple.Just peel,gently pull and press.Jackie: People tell meI look ten years younger.Loni: Lady, they lie,they lie.Tonya: I ain't puttin'tape on my neck.Are you kidding?Marianne: Now I just have togrow my hair outto cover the tape rash.woman: Neckline Liftsare so comfortable you'llforget you're wearing them,until someone complementsyour new youthful look.Roger: I'm wearinga Neckline Lift right now.Check it out.So natural.Bryan: You can also use themon your nose.Thanks, Neckline Lift.Mike T.: I was gonna divorcemy wife for someone younger,but thanks to Neckline Lifts,the inevitable has beenprolonged by at leastlike two or three years.woman: Call now to getten Neckline Liftsfor just 9.99.But if you call right now,I'll triple your order.Just pay separate shippingand processing.John: Save your money.Just get some packing tape.It's like three bucks.Linda: Neckline Lifts.They're my little secret.Kevin: Until this commercialairs and then I'll feel so much shame, I'll probably neverleave my house again.woman: This offer is notavailable in storesand includes a 100%money-back guarantee.Order now.Jaime: Or you can saveeven more money and just usea staple gun.(staple gun clicking)Brendon: It works.I don't notice your saggy,waddly neck anymore.Neckline Lift is a miracleinvention.narrator: Coming up...man: Introducing Mantyhose:The pantyhose exclusivelyfor men.Loni: Really?Men, can we have somethingto ourselves?narrator: And...(horn honking)man: IntroducingSubtle Butt, the disposablegas neutralizer.Billy: Do I wanna know whathappens to these little patcheswhen people are done with them?No, I really don't.narrator: Plus...woman: POWERbreathe is a unique,handheld breathingmuscle trainer.It's like having a set ofdumbbells for yourbreathing muscles.Brendon: I've got my powerbreather right here.(*** bubbling)narrator: When "World's SmartestInventions" continues.Want more info on the show?man: Yeah!narrator: Follow us on Twitterat Twitter.com/WorldsDumbestfor exclusive behind-the-scenesupdates about and from yourfavorite cast members.man: Chronic flatulence.You never know whenit will hit.(horn honking)(man groaning)You don't like it and neitherdoes anyone around you.(horn blowing)Well, now there's a wayto fight back.Introducing Subtle Butt,the disposable gas neutralizer.Jaime: It's probably safe tosay this product stinks.(rim shot)(Frank blowing raspberry)man: Simply applythe carbon-filter patchdirectly to your underwear.Todd: I've just been usingthe Brita as a butt plug.This is way easier!man: The patentedtechnology neutralizes foulodors, saving your neighbors'noses and your reputation.Mike T.: Instead of neutralizingit, why not convert itinto a nice smell?Did someone bake cinnamon buns?Chelsea: I'm interested,but is there any audio componentto this--a silencer, if you will?man: Get back to living yourlife without the sinisterthreat of foul odors.(horn blowing)Daisy: I'm hitting everytaco truck in town.Thanks, Subtle Butt.Bill: Do I want to know whathappens to these little patcheswhen people are donewith them?No.No, I really don't.man: Take control of yourbackside.Roger: Okay, can we getone of these sent right over toTonya Harding's dressing room?You know what I'm talking about,Harding.Tonya: I'll admit,my (bleep) does stink, okay?And so does everybody elses.man: Get Subtle Butt today.Kevin: And we have a new winnerfor "most awkward thing to buyat the grocery store."man: Woman have been enjoyingthe warmth, texture and style ofpantyhose for years.(commentator whistling)Now it's our turn.Introducing Mantyhose:the pantyhose exclusivelyfor men.Loni: Really?Men, can we have somethingto ourselves?man: Mantyhose are designedto fit the contours of a man'sbody, showcasing his legsin a way that's sure tograb attention whilemaintaining masculinity.Todd: These are ridiculous.Except for those two-tone ones.Now, I like them.Those are very avant-garde.John: Never thought it waspossible, but these are actuallygayer than Brad.Brad: How am I looking?I look good?I look-- what?Oh, oh, what?Yeah.Look.man: Tights for men were onceconsidered the hight offashion and now they're readyfor a resurgence.Kevin: Yeah, for centuries,men did wear tights.And then they realizedit looked ridiculous.It's called evolution.Bryan: Zounds, I very muchlike your Mantyhose.Hark, I hear the cannons roar!man: Mantyhose are contouredto give support and warmthto the male anatomy.Jaime: 'Cause if there'sanything better thanball sweat,it's ball sweat in tights.man: Mantyhose are availablein a wide variety of colorsand patterns.Kevin: All of them equallyemasculating.man: Whether you're at homeor the officeor out on the town...man: What's up?man: ... Mantyhose will have youlooking your best.Mike T.: You can wear them athome, at the officeor anywhere else you wannamake Jesus cry.man: So what are youwaiting for?Show the world what a real manlooks like.Order yours today.commentator: What's up, ladies?Frank: Think what you want,mother(bleep).But I'm wearing thesefishnets.And if you don't like it,you can go (bleep) yourself.man: Does exersiontire you out?Are you sometimesshort of breath?Have you ever found yourselfgasping for air?Then the POWERbreatheis for you.woman: POWERbreathe isa unique, handheldbreathing muscle trainer.It's like having a set ofdumbbells for yourbreathing muscles.John: Her lungs lookpretty healthy.Must be working.woman: When you breathe inthrough the mouthpiece,air is only releasedif you use enough effortto force open the valve.That way, the breathing muscleswork harder as theymove up and down.Jaime: I wonder if thiswould make me givebetter ***?I couldn't possibly givebetter ***.Brendon: I got my POWERbreatherright here.It's like dumbbells formy lungs and my brains.woman: After rigorous scientificand medical trials,the POWERbreathe has beenlicensed for prescriptionin the UK.man: That's me, six weeks ago.But once a day withthe POWERbreathe...Look at me now!woman: The POWERbreathe worksfor everyone.In fact, world championsand Olympic medalists use it.Mike T.: Which ones?None of your business.woman: By using yourPOWERbreathe for just30 breaths, twice a day,you will see great results.Bryan: I used to breathelike this--(wheezing)Thanks to POWERbreathe,I breathe like this now--(inhaling deeply)man: POWERbreathe.Now you can breathe easy.Roger: So go ahead and smokethose four packs a day.You've got POWERbreathe.woman: How fashion-forwardcan your car be?Get CarLashes,then you'll see.CarLashes are fun, flexibleand flirty.They make your headlightshappy.Roger: How about that?Women drawing attentionto their headlights.You rarely see that.Danny: I want my car to looklike some kind of (bleep)on its way out to go clubbing.Can you help me out?woman: While you're watchingthe road, your car can givethe eye to that special guy.Mike T.: Hey, I think that caris making eyes at me.woman: And now CarLashescome with captivatingcrystal eyeliner.So easy to attach and theyshine rainbows in the sun.Jaime: Throws rainbowsin sunlight.Big deal.Brad throws rainbowsall the time.Vincent: I wouldn't let mywife put theseon the Mercedes.But my girlfriend,she could put it onthe Volkswagen.woman: You've got so muchpersonality, and now yourcar will too when you getCarLashes.Jaime: Guys, I'm sorry I waslate today.It took my car foreverto get ready.Such a diva.woman: Call now and get twosets for 24.99.CarLashes.Make the party on the streetcomplete.Frank: It's just someone thathas too much time ontheir hands, some housewifethat her husband doesn't(bleep) anymore, who hasmenopause, is bored.Y'know, it's like peoplethat collect Garfield the cat.women: I love CarLashes!Mike T.: You are not driving outof my garage looking like that.(horn honking)'Cause you look like a ***,that's why.narrator: Coming up:Tired of unsightly, pale feet?Then the Solafeet ST-400is for you.Mike T.: This is a big problemin the white community.This is our sickle-cell.narrator: And introducingBack Tacular, the fashion patchthat covers your best asset.Tonya: How about, ladies,you go and buy a pair of pantsthat (bleep) fit?narrator: Plus...man: PABS is the ultimatesolution to avoid unwantedor accidental breeding.Kevin: How slutty is your dog?narrator: When "World's SmartestInventions" continues.man: Golfers, has thishappened to you--You play a full 18 holesonly to have an uneven tan?Well, not anymore.Now there's a revolutionarynew product that makesunsightly, pale feeta thing of the past.Introducing the Solafeet ST-400.Frank: I think that isa great idea.Let me get my bodyanother place where I can get(bleep) melanoma.Chuck: I'm gonna go outon a limb and say thatthis product is not for me.Marianne: My husband thinksI'm perfect, except for myslightly, paler shadeof ankle skin.man: You simply put your feetinside the device,set the timer,and wait.In no time, you'll havea beautifully matching tan.John: Let me ask you a question.Between you and me,does it tan your feetand dry your nail polish?William: We invented thisproduct because of a real needwe experienced.White feet from playing golfin shorts.Mike T.: This is a big problemin the white community.This is our sickle-cell.woman: I had one of these,although my roommate basicallyjust used it to grow pot.man: Solafeet uses four26-watt tanning bulbsto safely bronze your feetto the desired color.Todd: Do you have one thattans the bottom of your feet?That's been a real problemfor me.man: Don't waste your timewith tanning creams and spraysthat leave your feet lookingorange and cost you a bundle.The Solafeet can be yoursfor the low price ofonly $225.00.man: I say, thank God.I'm walking over the soulsof broken employees,trying to enjoy my day,and I'm-- oh, my feetare so pasty white.man: Make a feet-firstimpression with a world's onlyfoot-tanning system.Solafeet, call now.Brad: Yeah, getting readyfor summer!I am gonna look hot this year!Does anyone elsesmell bacon?woman: You don't love yournose, but plastic surgeryis so painful and expensive.Want to find an easierand cheaper way to changeyour look?It's no secret.Nose Secret.Frank: If you want a nose job,you should go down tomy gym and you'll geta (bleep) nose job.woman: The patented nasalcontour adapters are easilyinserted...and totally transform yourfacial appearance.Kevin: What's a bigger problem,a nose that's slightlytoo wide or objects lodgedin your face?Billy: There is an importantwarning on the package, though.It says, "Avoid poking brain."woman: Created by facialaesthetics experts, Nose Secretnarrows and straightensfrom within.Brad: They're like Nose Spanx.Skinny out your fat nose,you fatty.Todd: Sure, ladies, justshove it up your nose,go out there and justlive that lie.woman: Nose Secret boostsyour confidence whilediscreetly improvingyour profile.Tonya: I mean, (bleep)Why don't people just shovesomething up their butt to maketheir (bleep) bigger?Todd: Let the good times roll.Judy: Do you notice anythingdifferent?Loni: I don't see no difference.I still gotthat Afrika Bambaataa nose.woman: And removal is justthat easy.Chuck: Wait, you need a specialtool to get it out?Kevin: Y'know, I know I reallylike somebody when I'mcomfortable enough to removemy nostril spearsin front of them.woman: Nose Secret,the secret to a beautifullycontoured nose.Order yours today.It'll be our secret.Mike T.: What does Chelseathink of this?No reason, I just wanna knowwhat she thinks about it.She's very funny.man: Do you love your dog?Do you want to avoid spayingor neutering your pet, thenyou need to order PABS today.PABS is the ultimate solution toavoid unwantedor accidental breeding.Kevin: Dude, how sluttyis your dog?Brendon: My dog only practicesthe unspeakable vice ofthe Greeks.If you know what I mean.man: Endorsed by veterinarians,PABS is a safe and affordableway to protect your pet.Chuck: Oh, my God, this is likeCocker Spaniel blocking.Marianne: My dog still hasthe urge to have sex,but now with way morefrustration.Kevin: Y'know, that looks greatbut my dog is pretty strictlyCatholic so he's actuallynot supposed to useany birth control.man: Avoid dangerousand expensive surgeries.PABS is recommended bypet professionals.Call now, right now,for your special offer.Order PABS today.Wes: I'm no expert ondog plumbing,but wouldn't this fine productget soaked in *** like15 times a day?Brad: Oh, and it even comeswith a wash-- a washable--Oh, God, I shouldn't havetouched it.Oh, oh... ugh...man: PABS is the ultimatesolution to avoid unwantedor accidental breeding.Chelsea: Here's anotheranti-breeding system--just keep 'em in the house.man: Do you love your dog?PABS is the ultimate solution.Call now, right now,for your special offer.Order PABS today.Jaime: I hopethe "special offer" includesa paper bag, so your dogcan put it over his head...out of shame.Loni: I know some humansthat need this.(Danny coughing)woman: You lovethe fashion-forwardlow-rise look, but you don'twanna show the world yourbackside.Now you don't have tothanks toBack Tacular, the fashionpatch that coversyour best assets.Mike T.: Who's been tellingthese girls that we can seepart of their ***?You're ruining it!Todd: If this is an effort tomake me stop looking at your***, you need to go backto the drawing board.woman: Back Tacular doesn't justmaintain your dignity whenyou're sitting or bending over,it does it in style.Wes: I would never givemy girlfriend this product.However, I would give herthat chair.woman: These softadhesive modesty panelsfully cover your gluteal cleftand come in a variety ofcolors and patterns.Like "The *** Butterfly."Frank: Hey, I'm diggin' it.Brad: You could use this,or you could just remember notto bend over inyour *** jeans.Mike T.: That happens to mesometimes.Can I get one with, like,a Giants logo on it?woman: At just 19.99 a piece,you can't afford not to getthem all.Tonya: How about, ladies,you go and buy a pair of pantsthat (bleep) fit, okay?Bryan: Hey, do you have oneof those for my girl's mouth?woman: We cover your backso you don't have to.(bell ringing)Chelsea: Let's be totallyhonest with ourselvesand each other.Why would that trioof strippers care?Loni: Uh-uh.Show some plus-size,show some fat ***.I wanna see the producton that.woman: Back Tacular.Get yours today.Jessie: Wouldn't"Crack Tacular" have beena better name?Just saying.narrator: You've just seen19 super-smart inventions,each more life-alteringthan the last.But the smartest one of allhas yet to be unleashedon the world.We'll unveil this must-haveproduct right after this.man: This is notan ordinary workout.You will build strength.You will get ripped...with the most dynamicfitness tool on the planet.The world's first flexingdumbbell is here.Free Flexor for men.Billy: Originally,this was calledthe "Whack-Off-Atron,"but that name didn't testso well.man: Standard weights onlywork one angle of the muscle,in one direction.The Free Flexor worksyour muscles at every angle,in every direction,for a more effectiveand complete workout.Ted: You've heard ita thousand times--How can I build muscleby wiggling a flaccidball gag?Well, here's how.Bryan: I can feel it inmy abs, my chest, my armsand my groin is actuallyreally tingly.man: The Free Flexor introducesand proves the theory ofcircular strength technology.Brad: Yeah, I'm pretty surethat's not a real thing.man: By spinning the weightsat each end, you can createunlimited torque,unlimited tensionthat will make your muscles cry.Jaime: Luckily while yourforearms are on fire,your crying musclescan put out the flames.Marianne: I find if youspit on it, it worksa lot better.Tonya: If I wanna play withballs, I'll just play withmy husband's, y'know?man: Still not convinced?Just listen to what theseguys had to say.man: Yeah, it's burningmy whole arm now.man: Definitely,it's a differentkind of exercise.I've never felt anythinglike that.Brendon: Hey, handsome,you guys wanna be ina video?No, I'm not gay.What makes you thinkI'm gay?man: Now is the time.Now is your time.Don't wait any longer.Order your Free Flexor today.man: Well, 39.95.Clearly isn't the "Free" Flexor.Mike T.: I don't know,seems like this Free Flexoris a little bit--Vincent: Hey, Mike,let me see that.Y'know, I could use this.There's a couple of knuckleheadsout there that owe mesome money.Come on, let's go.You're coming with me.Mike T.: I have to finish this--Vincent: Get off your fat(bleep) ***and earn some money!Let's go.Mike T.: I-- I gotta go.Daisy: And we're back!Brad: So wait, I don'tunderstand quite how the--Oh, God, son of a...Brendon: Ahh!That did kind of hurt.Jaime: Back tothe drawing board.Brad: Eat it!Tonya: "Mow-mow-mow."(Bryan grunting)Jaime: I'm gonna needone of these.Mike T.: Boom!Brad: Oh...Chuck: Ew!Daisy: Ahh!Billy: The Japanese.You know what I mean, Franky?Frank: How you doin'?(blowing raspberry)John: How's Vinny doing now?Vincent: Grandma's eggplantparmesan was good.That's not funny.(John laughing)Chuck: Ow, oh...Brendon: Now I'm sittingnext to Danny Bonaduce.(bleep)Jaime: Hey, poop, are youin there, poop?Judy: Hey, Brad.Hello.Brad: Judy is not a fanof this, I assume.man: Touche.Marianne: Meow.Bryan: Is it supposed to do thisto my groin?(grunting)(Jaime laughing)Loni: Genius!man: Going to school, Dad.Mike T.: Oh, it looksreally comfortable.(John purring)Brad: (blowing nose)There it is.Oh, that's pretty.(Frank hacking)Judy: Wow, wow!Daisy: What?Brad: Am I pretty yet?Am I pretty?Mike T.: Yeah, I'm gonna--Vincent: (bleep) knucklehead.Mike T.: Really-- he really hit me.(laughter)